Ramen not good enough to drive *all* the way from Sea Point.

That's 2.7 kms.

Chasing the Umami Dragon

In 2017 my dad and I went to Thailand to confront a Russian about a key, as one does. The matter was resolved and we came home via Changi Airport.

Deciding whether to fly via Changi Airport, even though the layover is a gazillion hours? Say yes.

During the layover I watched The Martian at the airport cinema, drank a glass of the most delicious wine (two weeks in Thailand = beer), and then wandered off to find the butterfly garden. On the way I found ramen. It was the first bowl of tonkotsu I’ve ever had. And it was the best.

Maybe I’m unsophisticated or maybe that ramen is certified The Best but I’ve been chasing it ever since. Kanji Ramen doesn’t *look* like a contender, but the time had come.

The algorithms of life.

You know how you always get the same parking spot at the Waterfront or your preferred corner at P&G opens up just as you arrive? Kanji Ramen is where Sorrows used to be; I haven’t been there since it closed. But as we arrived my seat opened up. Instead of Goodbye Horses, the song I associate with Sorrows, it was downtempo house. Instead of pizza, beer and cocktails it’s ramen bowls and Japanese-style street food.

View from ‘my’ seat.

Japanese-style.

At least they’re honest. Food trends are ridiculous. Should you make ramen? Or, should you make ramen. No-one’s about to be cancelled, but the homogenisation of western-style eastern food means you don’t have to be authentic - but you do need to be better.

What we ate at Kanji Ramen

Pretty? or pretty-boring.

Double beef ramen R180: Despite how big (and nice!) this picture looks, the bowl amount is really small – this is not a feast. Broth glossy, but didn’t have deep flavour. Basically I wasn’t interested: my umami heart did not beat.

Pork boa R75: A standard on menus across the land, so no extra stars here. I ate one at Big Bowls in Sea Point that was better.

Dirty fried crispy chicken R110: Yum, but nothing to distinguish itself. Around the same size as four woman-fingers. (Bumped into this ! today, which made me laugh).

Cut too thick or not marinated long enough? Don’t pay R75 to find out.

Cucumber & edamame R75: C’mon, you supposed to smash the cucumber, to make it ragged to pick up the sauce. Edamame seemed pointless. Sauce had none of that lip smacking tingle vibes that you get from a balanced sweet/fish sauce/saltiness. Possibly not marinated, but combined at the last minute? Absolutely not worth the price.

Where else can you eat ramen, but better.

Three Wise Monkeys: The queue says it all. Loaded with extra goodies, a healthy portion, great broth, the venue is fun, the other options are great. Jakes’ favourite.

Bodega: my favourite. Their jammy egg is perfect and their pork cut is fatty yet sweet yet porky. Having said that I usually ‘start’ with the entire small plates board … and don’t get much further.

Downtown ramen: Used to be my favourite before Bodega. Haven’t been for ages, but without Lefty’s it feels too sad. Am hereby committing to going. Will report back.

Ramenhead: Tonkotsu was so rich I got heartburn and - no jokes- I couldn't go dancing that night. I think it was fermented garlic? My boyfriend told me I smelt something bad. We recently returned for the lunch special and the chicken broth was watery bland. Maybe they over-corrected.

But it was the service.

It took forty minutes to get a bun and a chicken plate. The table next to us arrived twenty minutes after us and got their food immediately (we realised they were friends with the owner/host). There was something just a bit … obnoxious …? about the revelry. I took a look online and there are some reviews that also mention service.

Not destination dining

So the food is fine. And on a night out, when you’re 1) a little bit drunk, and 2) the wait at El Taqueria is too long, and 3) if you stay any longer at Publik you’re going to spend another R500+ and 4) you don’t feel like a hot dog again, then 5) Kanji Ramen is where you might land up and it will be good and yummy for a slightly drunk outing.

Speaking of algorithms

Goodbye Horses, not the song, the bar in N London.

Don’t be confused. This * is * cool.

See, I told you.

Other best of.s:

• Fried eastern-style chicken: Minari in Simon’s Town (worth the drive)

• Ramen: Singapore airport;)

• Cucumber: He Sheng

• Pork boa: How Bao Now, Oranjezicht Market